Some people

Have you ever felt like you don't belong anywhere? And when you met true friends, people call you a slut because they're all boys. Dyed your hair red not to get attention but as a form of expressing who you truly are.

I DONT GIVE A FUCK. Call me ignorant. I don't fucking care.

Here I am, trying to get through each day without pissing off the people around me, but yet, they are pissed of just by my existence in life. Why? Seriously? What the hell did I ever do to you to make you feel this way?

If you think that my life is all about attention seeking, think again. I've been through hell and back, and you wouldnt even know it. All you do is discriminate, judge, comment, gossip about me. Don't you have anything better to do besides snooping around my life. I never snooped around yours, because why?

I don't give a fuck about things that do not matter.

Grow up would you?



P/s : This is for the people who have made rumours or bad remarks about me. It's not specifically for one person. Because I know there's too many of them.

A writing jumpstart

I have definitely lost my touch to write. Seriously. Now all that ever comes out is purely general. I love writing fiction, and most of my teenage years was about writing something that I feel into fictional stories.

So, today, I will try and write a paragraph or two, just as a jump start to my writing hobby. Don't judge. It's rusty.

I was sitting in a crowded restaurant all by myself with meatballs, D'aim cake and a cold Mountain Dew. What brought me there? Oh I don't know. Maybe the pleasure of meatball itself have been inside my taste buds for ages. My eyes kept gazing around looking for something or someone. But I am the only one who knows that I am going to have dinner by myself. The thought of eating dinner alone saddens me. But yet, I was there, with my unsilent phone, waiting. What am I waiting for? A call? A text? I don't know.

With a sick unwanted feeling in my stomach, I barely touched the cake. I tried keeping my tears and sanity together in public. I don't want people to look at me with pity. I've never felt more alone that night. With headphones in my ear, playlist on shuffle mode, pathetic slow romantic songs filled my ears. My eyes have tried to hold in my tears and I turn to my handbag, reached out for my trusty ciggarettes, I lit up a stick, and changed songs until I found Eminem - Not Afraid. Put it on repeat and suck it all in.

Okay that was shit. I'll brush up some more. I promise.

Just my two cents

I know how much it hurts to be cheated on. Mine is worse than yours. It's not the plain old (guy going out with another girl), but its the one where you never expect the guy to be having s** with the girl. So, imagine the state I was in at that time. My roommates in uia knows how every single night, i never failed to cry. And i turned to something else, and honestly, my life changed just like that.

Surprisingly, it took me just a few weeks to get over him. It's not that I don't really love him. I did. Ask my friends. People know how much I was willing to sacrifice for him. But, it doesnt change the fact that he cheated on me. I dont base the break up on that fact alone. I start to think back of the things he did that hurt me, and I found all the small lies, my HUGE sacrifices which meant nothing to him and I realized, I'm far better off without him.

So, if you think you can't get over your ex, think again. You can. Believe in yourself. Just think of it as, he's not meant to be with you. Even if you see him with another girl in the near future, don't think that he's going to play her like he did you, just wish him the best because who knows, maybe the girl that he's falling for is someone who was hurt just the way you were. Don't you want her to be happy? I bet you do.

Just my two cents. =)

Sesi luahan hati

It's been almost 3 months since we really got to know each other. Before this, we were just 2 people who met through a friend and never spoke to each other since then. We share the love for superbikes. And we are from 2 VERY different worlds. Another thing we have in common is that he cheated on his ex, and i was cheated on. HAHAHAHA.

How can I accept him knowing his past? Because I have my past too. And it's definitely far worse than his. He is ANNOYING. But i miss those annoying moments whenever I think of him. It's a distance thing again between me and my relationships. Well, 40 mins isnt that far but what makes it a problem is i'm still working and my putra is still in the workshop, and he's not always free.

We don't make it a routine to see each other once a week, but we try to, but it has been a week and 2 days that we've not spent time together and it nearly kills me. But then again, i'm still working, so i dont think that much about it. Ergo, I dont feel the NEED to see him that much. I miss him. Yes. Everyday. But what can I do? It's life. I'm busy, he's free. He's busy, i'm free.

Anywhooooo, I'm glad that Mr Handsome is in my life. Never met a guy so good in handling arguments. Yes, I know you may read this when you dont know what to do, so jangan kembang hidung sangat. I'm in love with you and no one else. Trust me =)