Happy endings :)

Hi! Oh it's been such a long time since i posted. Hmm. I lost touch to writing. I just dont know what to write anymore. This is just sad.

One thing on my mind, to achieve happiness in every single thing i do. Be it with different guys, friends, studies, whatsoever, i still believe in happiness, and i'm striving to achieve the happiness i've longed for.

Currently, there's a new guy in my life, let's call him Mr Confidante shall we. So Mr Confidante came into my life just a week before my 21st birthday. He is the best birthday present i could ever ask for. He is patient, kind, nice and this time, he's not the typical guy i would fall for. You know the sweet-talker, romantic kind of guy. He has his own quirks that make me laugh everytime i'm with him. It was hard for me at first to accept him, because as you would know, i havent totally healed from the last abandonment of my ex. But over time, he's the perfect guy for me. And i'm utterly happy to have met him.

So, if people think that i change boyfriends a lot of times, it's not because i want to. It's because everybody deserve their happy endings. :)

It's been awhile

Woah. I havent been here for quite some time huh. Guess i was busy. With what you may ask, LIFE.

Happiness was just a few months and the rest, plenty of downs for me. But hopefully all of that is over because i found a new perspective towards everything.

Love for example: No one can truly love you but yourself. Once you do, nothing really matters. I was dumb enough to put Mr Handsome on my mind like 24/7. But it's all over now. Though he is still on my mind sometimes, but it's because it's a living proof of what i SHOULD overcome. He acts as if he really misses me, but i know everything. I'm not going to be so caught up in that because the truth is, when i was going through the toughest time, guess what, he wasn't there. no one was. I was strong enough to get through all the bullshit that was going on by myself. So yeah. Kudos for me.

Friends: They only need you to hang. No deep stuff. So, i've decided to keep everything to myself. Eventhough it's not good, but i have to, in order for me to avoid all the bullshit that they would say because they dont know me well enough to say anything. So yeah. I'm all on my own.

Studies: For now, i feel like giving up. But the motivation that keeps me going is, every man for himself. If i graduate with a degree, it will be my own. With no help from others but my strong determination to succeed. So i will succeed. Nothing or no one can bring me down because i am going to get my degree, get a job, and finally get out of everybody's hair and live my life according to my own expectations.

Problems like not having a car will never bother me again. I can survive without having a car. Those are just things. If i just focus on getting myself on the right track, i can definitely succeed in all kinds of terms. Probably end up being a successful independent woman. That I WILL.

Truth be told, yes i do feel lonely sometimes. But that is what keeps me going. Achieve everything i could possibly go for, and finally be proud of who i am. After all, man will end up alone in their grave right? So yeah. Positive thoughts.

Till next time =)

You know when you fall in love, everything seems right. But the minute something changes, everything falls apart. I've been feeling sad for about a month plus. It's not that i dont know how to handle it, I do know, but I just want to feel sad.

Mr Handsome was the last guy I fell in love with. And, after him, i kind of want to be alone. Not the usual me, but yes. I dont feel like dating anymore. I'm sick of feeling heart broken. ='(

Some people

Have you ever felt like you don't belong anywhere? And when you met true friends, people call you a slut because they're all boys. Dyed your hair red not to get attention but as a form of expressing who you truly are.

I DONT GIVE A FUCK. Call me ignorant. I don't fucking care.

Here I am, trying to get through each day without pissing off the people around me, but yet, they are pissed of just by my existence in life. Why? Seriously? What the hell did I ever do to you to make you feel this way?

If you think that my life is all about attention seeking, think again. I've been through hell and back, and you wouldnt even know it. All you do is discriminate, judge, comment, gossip about me. Don't you have anything better to do besides snooping around my life. I never snooped around yours, because why?

I don't give a fuck about things that do not matter.

Grow up would you?



P/s : This is for the people who have made rumours or bad remarks about me. It's not specifically for one person. Because I know there's too many of them.

A writing jumpstart

I have definitely lost my touch to write. Seriously. Now all that ever comes out is purely general. I love writing fiction, and most of my teenage years was about writing something that I feel into fictional stories.

So, today, I will try and write a paragraph or two, just as a jump start to my writing hobby. Don't judge. It's rusty.

I was sitting in a crowded restaurant all by myself with meatballs, D'aim cake and a cold Mountain Dew. What brought me there? Oh I don't know. Maybe the pleasure of meatball itself have been inside my taste buds for ages. My eyes kept gazing around looking for something or someone. But I am the only one who knows that I am going to have dinner by myself. The thought of eating dinner alone saddens me. But yet, I was there, with my unsilent phone, waiting. What am I waiting for? A call? A text? I don't know.

With a sick unwanted feeling in my stomach, I barely touched the cake. I tried keeping my tears and sanity together in public. I don't want people to look at me with pity. I've never felt more alone that night. With headphones in my ear, playlist on shuffle mode, pathetic slow romantic songs filled my ears. My eyes have tried to hold in my tears and I turn to my handbag, reached out for my trusty ciggarettes, I lit up a stick, and changed songs until I found Eminem - Not Afraid. Put it on repeat and suck it all in.

Okay that was shit. I'll brush up some more. I promise.

Just my two cents

I know how much it hurts to be cheated on. Mine is worse than yours. It's not the plain old (guy going out with another girl), but its the one where you never expect the guy to be having s** with the girl. So, imagine the state I was in at that time. My roommates in uia knows how every single night, i never failed to cry. And i turned to something else, and honestly, my life changed just like that.

Surprisingly, it took me just a few weeks to get over him. It's not that I don't really love him. I did. Ask my friends. People know how much I was willing to sacrifice for him. But, it doesnt change the fact that he cheated on me. I dont base the break up on that fact alone. I start to think back of the things he did that hurt me, and I found all the small lies, my HUGE sacrifices which meant nothing to him and I realized, I'm far better off without him.

So, if you think you can't get over your ex, think again. You can. Believe in yourself. Just think of it as, he's not meant to be with you. Even if you see him with another girl in the near future, don't think that he's going to play her like he did you, just wish him the best because who knows, maybe the girl that he's falling for is someone who was hurt just the way you were. Don't you want her to be happy? I bet you do.

Just my two cents. =)

Sesi luahan hati

It's been almost 3 months since we really got to know each other. Before this, we were just 2 people who met through a friend and never spoke to each other since then. We share the love for superbikes. And we are from 2 VERY different worlds. Another thing we have in common is that he cheated on his ex, and i was cheated on. HAHAHAHA.

How can I accept him knowing his past? Because I have my past too. And it's definitely far worse than his. He is ANNOYING. But i miss those annoying moments whenever I think of him. It's a distance thing again between me and my relationships. Well, 40 mins isnt that far but what makes it a problem is i'm still working and my putra is still in the workshop, and he's not always free.

We don't make it a routine to see each other once a week, but we try to, but it has been a week and 2 days that we've not spent time together and it nearly kills me. But then again, i'm still working, so i dont think that much about it. Ergo, I dont feel the NEED to see him that much. I miss him. Yes. Everyday. But what can I do? It's life. I'm busy, he's free. He's busy, i'm free.

Anywhooooo, I'm glad that Mr Handsome is in my life. Never met a guy so good in handling arguments. Yes, I know you may read this when you dont know what to do, so jangan kembang hidung sangat. I'm in love with you and no one else. Trust me =)