It's been awhile

Woah. I havent been here for quite some time huh. Guess i was busy. With what you may ask, LIFE.

Happiness was just a few months and the rest, plenty of downs for me. But hopefully all of that is over because i found a new perspective towards everything.

Love for example: No one can truly love you but yourself. Once you do, nothing really matters. I was dumb enough to put Mr Handsome on my mind like 24/7. But it's all over now. Though he is still on my mind sometimes, but it's because it's a living proof of what i SHOULD overcome. He acts as if he really misses me, but i know everything. I'm not going to be so caught up in that because the truth is, when i was going through the toughest time, guess what, he wasn't there. no one was. I was strong enough to get through all the bullshit that was going on by myself. So yeah. Kudos for me.

Friends: They only need you to hang. No deep stuff. So, i've decided to keep everything to myself. Eventhough it's not good, but i have to, in order for me to avoid all the bullshit that they would say because they dont know me well enough to say anything. So yeah. I'm all on my own.

Studies: For now, i feel like giving up. But the motivation that keeps me going is, every man for himself. If i graduate with a degree, it will be my own. With no help from others but my strong determination to succeed. So i will succeed. Nothing or no one can bring me down because i am going to get my degree, get a job, and finally get out of everybody's hair and live my life according to my own expectations.

Problems like not having a car will never bother me again. I can survive without having a car. Those are just things. If i just focus on getting myself on the right track, i can definitely succeed in all kinds of terms. Probably end up being a successful independent woman. That I WILL.

Truth be told, yes i do feel lonely sometimes. But that is what keeps me going. Achieve everything i could possibly go for, and finally be proud of who i am. After all, man will end up alone in their grave right? So yeah. Positive thoughts.

Till next time =)

You know when you fall in love, everything seems right. But the minute something changes, everything falls apart. I've been feeling sad for about a month plus. It's not that i dont know how to handle it, I do know, but I just want to feel sad.

Mr Handsome was the last guy I fell in love with. And, after him, i kind of want to be alone. Not the usual me, but yes. I dont feel like dating anymore. I'm sick of feeling heart broken. ='(

Some people

Have you ever felt like you don't belong anywhere? And when you met true friends, people call you a slut because they're all boys. Dyed your hair red not to get attention but as a form of expressing who you truly are.

I DONT GIVE A FUCK. Call me ignorant. I don't fucking care.

Here I am, trying to get through each day without pissing off the people around me, but yet, they are pissed of just by my existence in life. Why? Seriously? What the hell did I ever do to you to make you feel this way?

If you think that my life is all about attention seeking, think again. I've been through hell and back, and you wouldnt even know it. All you do is discriminate, judge, comment, gossip about me. Don't you have anything better to do besides snooping around my life. I never snooped around yours, because why?

I don't give a fuck about things that do not matter.

Grow up would you?



P/s : This is for the people who have made rumours or bad remarks about me. It's not specifically for one person. Because I know there's too many of them.

A writing jumpstart

I have definitely lost my touch to write. Seriously. Now all that ever comes out is purely general. I love writing fiction, and most of my teenage years was about writing something that I feel into fictional stories.

So, today, I will try and write a paragraph or two, just as a jump start to my writing hobby. Don't judge. It's rusty.

I was sitting in a crowded restaurant all by myself with meatballs, D'aim cake and a cold Mountain Dew. What brought me there? Oh I don't know. Maybe the pleasure of meatball itself have been inside my taste buds for ages. My eyes kept gazing around looking for something or someone. But I am the only one who knows that I am going to have dinner by myself. The thought of eating dinner alone saddens me. But yet, I was there, with my unsilent phone, waiting. What am I waiting for? A call? A text? I don't know.

With a sick unwanted feeling in my stomach, I barely touched the cake. I tried keeping my tears and sanity together in public. I don't want people to look at me with pity. I've never felt more alone that night. With headphones in my ear, playlist on shuffle mode, pathetic slow romantic songs filled my ears. My eyes have tried to hold in my tears and I turn to my handbag, reached out for my trusty ciggarettes, I lit up a stick, and changed songs until I found Eminem - Not Afraid. Put it on repeat and suck it all in.

Okay that was shit. I'll brush up some more. I promise.

Just my two cents

I know how much it hurts to be cheated on. Mine is worse than yours. It's not the plain old (guy going out with another girl), but its the one where you never expect the guy to be having s** with the girl. So, imagine the state I was in at that time. My roommates in uia knows how every single night, i never failed to cry. And i turned to something else, and honestly, my life changed just like that.

Surprisingly, it took me just a few weeks to get over him. It's not that I don't really love him. I did. Ask my friends. People know how much I was willing to sacrifice for him. But, it doesnt change the fact that he cheated on me. I dont base the break up on that fact alone. I start to think back of the things he did that hurt me, and I found all the small lies, my HUGE sacrifices which meant nothing to him and I realized, I'm far better off without him.

So, if you think you can't get over your ex, think again. You can. Believe in yourself. Just think of it as, he's not meant to be with you. Even if you see him with another girl in the near future, don't think that he's going to play her like he did you, just wish him the best because who knows, maybe the girl that he's falling for is someone who was hurt just the way you were. Don't you want her to be happy? I bet you do.

Just my two cents. =)

Sesi luahan hati

It's been almost 3 months since we really got to know each other. Before this, we were just 2 people who met through a friend and never spoke to each other since then. We share the love for superbikes. And we are from 2 VERY different worlds. Another thing we have in common is that he cheated on his ex, and i was cheated on. HAHAHAHA.

How can I accept him knowing his past? Because I have my past too. And it's definitely far worse than his. He is ANNOYING. But i miss those annoying moments whenever I think of him. It's a distance thing again between me and my relationships. Well, 40 mins isnt that far but what makes it a problem is i'm still working and my putra is still in the workshop, and he's not always free.

We don't make it a routine to see each other once a week, but we try to, but it has been a week and 2 days that we've not spent time together and it nearly kills me. But then again, i'm still working, so i dont think that much about it. Ergo, I dont feel the NEED to see him that much. I miss him. Yes. Everyday. But what can I do? It's life. I'm busy, he's free. He's busy, i'm free.

Anywhooooo, I'm glad that Mr Handsome is in my life. Never met a guy so good in handling arguments. Yes, I know you may read this when you dont know what to do, so jangan kembang hidung sangat. I'm in love with you and no one else. Trust me =)

Pool. Yes Yes?

Here I am, in the office, bored out of my head, hungry like I've been fasting for months. Ergo, blog writing is the only way to keep me from sleeping.

Last night I went out to play pool at Asia Cafe. Asia Cafe used to be one of the trendiest spots where people would go lepak and play pool or foosball. Somehow, I think teenagers nowadays prefer spending time on the internet rather than at places like this. It's a loss, really, for them.

The true excitement and joy in life is to really have some good quality time with friends. What better way to do it than playing pool at AC. I played pool with my high school mates which we never really spoke much to each other during high school. But now, seems to be really clicking. Anyway, I realized that I used to spend so much time and money just to play pool with a couple of friends and it was my ultimate hobby during my teenage years.

But now, I don't even have a certain group of friends who like playing pool. This is saaaadddddd. I'm a pick up a que and start playing again. I miss it. Really. So friends, if you're reading this, give me a call and let's play some pool.

When passion meets parents

There can only be one word to describe how it feels when passion meets parents.

Disappointment.

1st situation.

When I was passionately in love with the world of culinary. The thing I wanted most in life was to go to a culinary school. Mom said, just try out the class, if you like it, then we'll talk about it. I tried. And I absolutely loved it. But look at where I am now. Bachelor of Human Sciences, English language and literature. I stopped cooking. I stopped baking. I stopped looking for recipes to try out. My passion just disappeared. I can't even try out for Masterchef. This is disappointing.


2nd situation.

The love for motorbikes struck me when I got tired of driving a manual in a traffic jam and the fact that I can only drive when no one else is driving. Now that I'm currently working, I have been saving to get a Kawasaki KSR. It's small, and not at all fast. At first, I thought of buying it alone without the consent of my parents, but when I really think about it, I would be selfish and childish to do things behind their backs. So when I did consult them, all I got was a strict NO! My dreams shattered just like that. I know it's stupid to be talking about bikes like this, but the bike would resemble a lot of me and somehow make some significance in my life.


To me, the bike clearly explains that I am old enough to make a commitment. Buying it on my own, following through the payment without anybody's help, and taking care of it. Secondly, the bike represents me being myself. Even though i'm a lady, but I am not really lady-like. I like to wear t-shirt and jeans, and I don't like the fact that society has this mind set of girls with bikes. What the hell is wrong with owning a bike. It's not like i'm out every night merempit in town. Thirdly, the bike would help me in a lot of ways. Such as, I would definitely have a transport to go somewhere without burdening other people.

Accidents. I know the main reason why my parents wouldn't even bother discussing with me about bikes. It's because of road accidents. If i were meant to die, there's no other way you can avoid it can you? I know parents are being parents by looking out for us. Taking precautions into consideration before things happen. But why can't I follow my passion for at least once in my life?

I'm doing quite well in life in the matter of studying and trying to make them proud. But what about boosting my self-esteem? I know when people say "what about me?" they are being selfish. I clearly know that. But for once, give me a break. Please just give me a break.

Marah and Sedih

Malu! Malu! Malu!

Apa nak jadi dengan budak-budak sekarang yang sikit pun tak ada rasa malu. Bukan setakat tayangkan gambar untuk satu dunia, BANGGA pulak tu. Tak malu ke? Serious? Even orang baru kahwin pun, parents pesan, apa jadi dalam bilik dengan suami jangan dicerita orang. Mana nak letak air muka?

Ajaran Agama Islam makin berkurangan ke? I don't think so. Ustazah dan Ustaz kat sekolah mesti ada mendidik, tapi apa lagi yang tak cukupnya? Nak kata kehidupan sosial? Terlampau suka bergaul sampai tak ingat batasan antara lelaki dengan perempuan? Benda tu boleh dikawal. Kalau cakap ikut kawan, jangan jadi bodoh boleh tak? Tak boleh fikir sendiri apa consequences dia?

Memang kita hidup dunia bercampuran, tapi tak semestinya kita kena gadaikan maruah kita. Malu! Sedih! Tak sedih ke kita tengok dunia ni dah menjadi-jadi. Sampai golongan yang lebih tua pun tak tahu nak handle remaja zaman sekarang ni macam mana. Parents kalau marah, anak stress dan mula lah buat benda2 macam lari dari rumah ke, telan pil ke, cubaan bunuh diri ke.

I know i'm not perfect, and who am I to say this. All I can do is, ask Allah to forgive the people that made these mistakes. Ask Allah to open their hearts and minds (macam lagu Maher Zain), dan berdu'a janganlah buat umat Islam yang lain termasuk diri sendiri, terikut-ikut dengan perbuatan mereka. Jauhkanlah dosa dari diri sendiri dan juga orang lain.

Sangat sedih. Tabiat golongan muda makin menjadi-jadi. Rasa malu sikit boleh tak? That's all I ask for.

I feel the need to talk about this

My friends and I found out that twitter is trending a 14 year old girl who lost her virginity and publicly announced it on her blog. I won't say the name because I don't want to cause trouble.

What I want to touch here is that, she needs guidance. As Muslims and caliphs in this world, we should help her out instead of bashing her with such cruel words and spread rumours about her. She is just a girl who is lost in her own religion. Yes, I know that not many people are still virgins, but Islam teaches us to not do the sin and tell the world, it is a disgrace to us all. The girl had made a LOT of mistakes ever since she posted the news on her blog.

1st mistake - She did the sin.
2nd mistake - She told the world.
3rd mistake - She uses Islam as her religion. (Islam doesnt teach their ummah to do such things)
4th mistake - She's underage.
5th mistake - She feels proud of it.

I may not know much about Islam to refute these arguments in hadiths, but I can only say what is in my point of view, so please correct me if i'm wrong.

I am not perfect myself, I went through my rebellious phase and posted things on my blog, and when I grew more mature, I decided that I was a disgrace to myself. Only then, I deleted my posts, and just change for the better. Although, I still havent had the urge to put on a hijab, that's why I shouldn't be the one talking to this girl. I don't know how to get to her, but somebody should. If not her parents, her relatives, if not her relatives, her close friends, and if things still do not work, let us all pray to Allah to open her heart and make her realize it on her own. Let's make this as a lesson to us all.

Agama Islam itu penting. Bukan setakat subjek dalam kelas, tetapi ajaran untuk hari akhirah.

Revelation

When your WHOLE ife is portrayed by a stranger, it changes you in so many unthinkable ways. I don't know how I feel. I don't what to do. I just feel like all the things i did in the past is something I could never imagine doing again.

Maybe this is a good thing. When people say, everything happens for a reason, now i know what they mean. There will always be a reason why things happen unexpectedly. We, as Muslims, are being watched in every single thing that we do. But we tend to forget that. Especially when we're having fun.

The bad side of the story is that, whatever bad choices i did in life, hoping that no one would find out, I was wrong. My whole life story was out last night. I'm a disappointment to all. There's nothing else that I can do but to change myself and repent. This is all still new to me. I'm still trying to accept this. And when my head is clear, I will then make the decision that will entirely change who I was. I hope that the people around me could accept the change no matter how big it is. But if they don't I know i'm not meant to be with them. And that's a loss.

The beauty of the English language

It hurts my ears when people say food with an "s" like foods. There is no such thing. It is gramatically incorrect. Can't you tell the difference? Food itself is already plural and it is uncountable. Ergo, food will always be pronounced as FOOD!

So, I keep on wondering about the language. Why is foot in plural is feet and food is still food and feed means a totally different thing. Who are the people who found these kind of words. It doesn't make sense and it's confusing (for some people). But still, I admit, the grammar of the English language is simpler than the Malay language. Even though, it's my mother tongue, I still find it hard to understand. Hehehe

Back to English, I know I'm not that good in English, but I just love the language. That's why I'm still sticking with Bachelor of English Language and Literature. It inspires me.

Why do I even bother?

"People come and go", as they say. I never thought that this applies to the people I call best friends. Sometimes, when they act like that, I feel like I'm not good enough to be their friends. That's negativity talking again. If i try to be positive, they are the ones who are not good enough to be my friends.

Breakfast, lunch, tea breaks, and dinner. We used to go to stuff like that. Not that it bothers me that it stopped. I can tolerate with busy schedules, but what bothers me the most is that, I am no longer in all of that. True friends huh?

Well, if I am still the person I used to be, I would definitely bitch about every single one of you. But now, even though it hurts me, I'll shut the fuck up. And to stay positive, I won't even bother. Thank you very much for hurting me. Now I know how much I really mean to all of you. Thanks.

Romance

A friend of mine once said, "when you're in love, you tend to be philosophical and sometimes lame."

That's true I guess. You start to compare everything with quotes and life lessons. When you get your heartbroken, it's not that you lose something or someone, just think of it as, you become wiser. You know not to get yourself into the same situation, you know how to deal with it, and you just have to let it go.

So, the next time you're in love, just savour it, while it lasts. Don't think of the future because it's not in your hands, don't think of the past because, why bother? Romance is in the present. Not in your memories nor what you hope it can be. I have always thought that saying "I love you" often can make the meaning less than what it should be. But that's me, looking at only the negative side. But when you try and look at the positive side, it can mean that everytime a person says i love you, it means even more, that's why he/she is saying it. To make it as obvious as it can.

I have been afraid of opening my heart and taking the leap. It is now time, that I should. Whatever it is, i'll try. How hard it is, i'll get through it. Even if it doesn't end in a happy ending, I'll be grateful that it happened. I'll start growing up and moving forward. I know I can.

Don't be mad kay baby?

I just love the text you gave me last night, and how sincere you were. My mood is now gooey ooey because of you. I love you baby. I may not show it that much, but yes. Thank you baby, for being so sweet to me. I love you.

My Mr. Handsome gave me this last night as a deal for something sweet that we should exchange with each other. So, I'm going to be all romantic and appreciative and make him a bit annoyed and mad at me for posting this. Haha. But baby, please don't worry much, no one knows who you are. =)

I miss you baby. I miss you more and more everyday. I love you
baby. I love to have this feeling and I love to love you. I love talking to you at night. Whenever I’m having a B+ day, your presence make it an A day. It is great to have you most of the time. I just hope that you’ll always be there for me for the times to come. I love you Nur Hazirah. Night.

You make me happy every single day baby. I love you. Because of you, I'm listening to Boyz II Men non-stop. Hehe.

The bad habit

It all started when I was 16. The year that changed me. This was the year I was isolated from friends at school. In my school, the peer pressure is really tough. All people care about is being pretty and popular like it matters. I have been true to myself all these while. I never stopped being me. Expressing my thoughts and opinions, how I carry myself and stuff like that. When I was practically rejected in social groups at school, I decided to turn to something I know would never treat me that way. Ciggarettes. I started smoking during and after school hours. And when a friend of mine saw the cigg box in my back pack, she told everyone and that made my life worse. I had no friends, no one to talk to, and yes, I spend my recess at the back of the school building smoking.

Since then, I started smoking on and off because I want to gain back the friendship. But it lead to me smoking for good, and I dont keep in touch with my friends any longer. So, when I finished school, I lead my life according to me alone. No support system, nothing. I started appreciating myself and thought that no one can make me feel like I can never be myself. So, I did everything I could to build up my self esteem. I am now the person that grew up alone trying to figure out what life really means. But the habit is still with me.

Now, honestly, I have no regrets whatsoever. But the bad thing is I'm still smoking. It consumes me. When I don't smoke, I get jumpy and restless. My lips are turning black. And I just dont think I can stop smoking. My mom caught me a couple of times, and today was the worst. Its not that I want to break her heart by lying about smoking. But the fact that, she doesnt understand me. She didnt ask me what is going on, she just flipped and cried. I have a reason as to why I have not stopped smoking. Smokers know what is the reason. It's VERY obvious. It's addictive. I am so attached to smoking, it is all I think about when I'm dead bored. It's the guilty pleasure.

I would like to focus on getting my life back on track, build my parents trust, and stop all the bad habits. I don't know if I can do it. I need a support system. But as parents, mine dont know that. I dont need lectures from them. I just need their support. If only they'd understand that.

Thank you baby

This is for somebody really special in my life.

I am at lost for words when describing how I feel towards other people eversince I found out that my previous boyfriend cheated on me. I had a rebound guy, and after that I just feel like screwing guys around for once. I wanted to be the jack ass for at least once in my life. I never thought that I could open up to anyone else. As much as I want to be in love, I want to hurt people more because I, myself do not want to ever feel hurt again.

Things took a turn when Mr Handsome came into my life. Knowing his past, how he was towards other girls, I definitely thought he's the perfect guy to be my experiment of me being a jack ass. It was hard, when I realized that I had feelings for him.

It was hard for me to admit my feelings but as soon as we first hang out, I was willing to admit to myself that I will not turn down a chance for me to be happy. Mr handsome is the end to my every day. We don't text constantly, but I know that I need to at least hear his voice at the end of the day. Next thing I know, I am falling for him. I was able to say the words that had a huge impact on me. You know when people say, "when you smile alone, that means you really mean it", well yeah, I'm going through that. I cant help but to feel butterflies, smiling like I dont have a care in the world, and most importantly when he texts me. Any time of the day, it will always make me smile.

So to Mr Handsome, thank you. I'm falling head over heels for you and you make me feel like I'm the luckiest person alive. You really mean a lot to me. You know it was hard for me to even hear the word, but now, all I can say is that I love you baby. I really do. Thank you for making me believe in love again (although I still think it's a bit cheesy to say out loud). But YES, i am in love with you.

How I have changed

Honestly, if I was still in school and I was given the chance to meet the present me, I would definitely bitch slap her this instant. I am not happy with what I have become. I'm a totally different person. Like TOTALLY. Let's start with the basic things shall we? Music per say, is something I take very seriously. I used to be so into Classical singers like Nat King Cole, George Michael, Eric Clapton, Elton John, Ray Charles and so many more. I even fought with my ex back then about these singers. How I perceive them shows that I am unique, I dont follow any trends, and I love the way I am, and if someone were to fall for me, they would accept me the way I am including the songs that I listened to. But the present me? All she thinks about is dance music and having fun. When I really think about it, dance music is fun but it never really connects with me. You may say that I'm culture shocked, I can even admit that for myself, but now, I just feel like getting rid of the present me and go back to the old me that Zelfann said was fun. The original me. The one who stays at home and find things to cook at home and enjoy what I used to love.

I spent my saturday night at Starbucks Jaya One P.J with my sister and looked around the bars they have there and the songs that they play. One of the bars, played almost ALL my favourite songs back then. And in an instant, I am back to falling for them. Now, I just feel like chilling at that kind of places and enjoy the music rather than going out dancing. It turns out, Mr handsome kind of have the same interest as me. So, I wouldnt mind being the old me again.

I've thought about changing myself countless times, but now, I guess I'm changing for good. Accepting the fact that I can be happy by being only me and not pretending to fit in with other people. I guess I needed this all these while.

Feeling like a boss for a day

Working in general is boring. Though you like the job, it will still get you to the boring phase. But for today, amazingly, it's not that boring. My boss told my colleague to bring the contracts to Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri (LHDN/Income tax HQ) and bring me along. So, I thought that she would be driving and I would help her carry some stuff. Instead, my boss arranged a car for us with a driver. Cool isn't it. We rode the car like we're the bosses. It's a mercedes. Though I know everyday when I go to work is with my dad's car, also a Mercedes, but this comes with a chauffer. It felt amazing because I am only a temporary staff but I am able to experience what it feels like to be a so called *boss*. Hehehe. Then, I remembered, I have an office of my own. A room with a door, my own table, my own pc, my own phone and 2 extra chairs. Even my colleague's desk is in a cubicle. This is fun! Aaaaaahhhh what a life.

It's all about getting enough

Today, somebody from the contracts department called me about my contract with Shell. The thing is, I don't even know how much they're paying me. If its according to my last year's paycheck, I'm fine with it. It definitely is more than enough rather than working at a shopping mall. So, I checked with my boss, and he said to let the department call him and he will settle it. So when he did, he came to me and said, "If you're wondering about your paycheck, i'm raising it a little bit higher than what you used to get because of your experience". Oh My God!! I can't stop smiling. I don't know how much it is. But I can't wait to see the contract. Woooohooo! Thank you Mak, for introducing me to this job.

Now, my resume is inclusive of working experience with Shell for 5 months as a Scholarship Coordinator. This is sooo cool. I'm utterly happy. And I won't have to worry about not having money to spend. The first thing I want to do is to shop for new work clothes. I look like a kid in a big office. I need something formal yet casual enough that I can wear anytime, some wedges and a brand new handbag.

Weddings or Marriages?

The two VERY different words yet, it is always confused with one another. Am I right? Most girls talk about weddings, the details, colours, invitation, place, and what not. And others talk about the years of relationships, how many kids, place to build a home and such. What kind of girl doesnt talk about this kind of thing? Most of them do. What I can say about weddings or marriages is only ramblings. I dont have the intention, or the effort to come close to it.

The way I see it, I WANT to get married at 30. Is it too late? For me, I dont think so, but because of my parents, I have to get married at least 27 for me to have a perfect womb and hormone balance. I imagined myself getting married at 30 but the truth is, I can't even draw a picture of the groom-to-be in my head. I've always been unlucky when it comes to love. So, I dont expect to find a man that can totally change how I feel in the next few years. So, that leaves me 9 more years to be living the life I wanted. The 9 years of making sense in my life.

If we talk about wedding, I would like to have the nikah (solemnization) at home. The reception at some hall, and the catering would be from my mom's business of Nasi beriani Johor. That's it. That's my plan of a wedding. Lame, isn't it? I dont even know what kind of decorations there should be. Flowers and stuff. I dont care.

Marriage on the other hand, I have this sense of seeing myself in the future either divorced with a child, or single and rich. I own a car, 2 superbikes, and an apartment of my dreams. Preferably a loft. I can never see myself with a man in the future. I'm not being negative, I just feel like there is no room for a guy in my future. But that doesnt mean that I'm not opening up to anyone. I am, or atleast, trying to with Mr Handsome. Can't expect much of him, I'm just living the moment.

Language courtesy

I spent my Sunday night with Wank, Taha, Sai (Wank's bro), and Muzani after watching Arsenal and Man U's game with Taufiq, Farah and Caped. So we were talking about the most viewed video in Youtube. You know, the famous "Charlie bit me". It lead to the topic of how kids that small can speak better English than most adults here in Malaysia. It's a shame. Seriously. I know the environment matters on how a person learn their language, but it doesnt matter if you try your best and let the rest make their grammar mistakes. Don't let it get to you.

So anyway, I wanted to share about how these guys made me think of how language courtesy or in Malay "Budi Bahasa" affects a person's personality. Truth be told, I was sooo amazed by how they speak to each other. I always hang out with people not in the Subang group, so I forgot what made me love Subang. So yeah, they are so polite in talking. I'm speechless. This is them talking to each other, just imagine the way they talk to their girlfriends, OMG, it is truly one of the qualities of a gentleman.

When I grow up, I want to teach my sons and daughters to speak they way they do. To always be polite in speaking, to show that you are not some kid off the street and to show that you have the courtesy to be polite in your language no matter to whom you're speaking to. Language matters and good grammar is attractive. Remember that.

Music inspired

Call me old fashioned, I loooveeeee Boyz II Men. These songs are my favourite.

• It's So Hard To Say Goodbye


• End Of The Road


• In The Still Of The Night


• I'll Make Love To You


• On Bended Knee


• Water Runs Dry


• One Sweet Day


• 4 Seasons of Loneliness


• A Song For Mama


• Pass You By

The lyrics are awesomee. When I was 17, they came to Malaysia and performed at Genting. I was sevenTEEN. Still in school, exam year and I was so jealous of my friends Neddy and Wawan who went for the concert. I am still pissed off that I didnt get to go, and my brother Fayez made it worse by bragging how good they were. Whyyyyyyyy??

But nevermind, last year I went to Babyface's concert and it was GREAT! Zelfann (kari) was my date and we had a nice 1st and only date. 4 years too late but we're still friends. So, back to Babyface, if you don't know, Babyface wrote some of the songs for Boyz II Men, so on that night, he sang some of the songs. Though I didnt get to see the real deal, but this was as close as I could get. I love Babyface too. So far, that's the best concert I've ever been to. Right now, all I wish is for Boyz II Men to come to Malaysia AGAIN. Please oh please. I've been in love with them for so soooooo long.

High school is over kan?

I don't get it why peole still like all the high school dramas that actually change people to become a bitch. Sorry to say but can you not talk about you being the center of attention? Its unattractive my dear. Its good that you dont give shit about what people talk about you, but dont make it worse by downgrading the person. Its like you're exactly the same as her.

Anyway, this topic has made me realized the fact that "budi bahasa" shows the best side of you. I come from a long line of somebody important way back then. I am the 5th or the 6th generation of Tok Jabbar. I can't remember which is which. This is from my mother's blood line. So, Tok Jabbar is the Datuk Menteri Adat Istiadat of Johor.

Ever since I was little, my mom keeps on saying "jaga nama mak and abah". Now I fully understand why. Because of Tok Jabbar, my family has the need to always be in the best state of etiquette there is. How we eat, how we speak, how we walk, how we dress, how we bring ourselves takes into account in our daily lives. I have ignored this for quite some time. So now, I'm definitely trying to change myself not to embarass the family name. All the littlest things like keeping your fingernails short, eat with your mouth closed, and speak like someone who is educated, they matter. So, I know I curse a LOT but I'll try to reduce. =)

And when thinking of marriage, I would always think of what type of a woman that my future parents in law would want their son to marry. Not what my husband would want me to be. Pelik kan? Anyway, that is why girls have to grow up and be a woman. Woman means a lot of things. One thing's for sure, please please please think before you speak. Dont say irrational things. Dont act like a child.

Whyyyyy Twitter Whyyyyyy??

Well, I cant access to my twitter. Daymmnn. There are no cool pictures on tumblr. Facebook is dead boring at 10 in the morning. I'm hungryyyyy. Lunch time is in 2 hours. The worst thing is, I dont have even 1 stick of cigg. Whyyyyyyyy?

Kawasaki KSR 110

See the bikeeee? I want to own that one day. The hell with other people. I like bikes more than cars. But if I have the money to buy cool cars, definitely Audi A4. But right now, Kawasaki KSR 110 is what I wannnttt. If I dont get this, then I guess Naza GTR is acceptable. Hehe. This bike is a medium sized bike and can only fit for 1 person. Sooo, if I do own it, it is all mineeee. Hahahaha. *evil laugh*. If I were taller and stronger, I would get Kawasaki Ninja. A girl with a superbike is super coooool. Ganas tak? Hehehe

Greetings!

Hello, I've deleted everything i had ever written because I realized, those things don't matter. Instead, I think I'll start writing here as my journal of what goes on in my daily life. As an introduction, I am known as Zira but sometimes as, Mama, Maksu, Intan and Yong. I am 21 this year. Studying in International Islamic University Malaysia doing Bachelor of Human Sciences, English Language and Literature. Though my major is English, I am sorry if sometimes I screw up in the language.

Currently, I am working in Shell Malaysia as one of the Scholarship Coordinators. What I do here is mostly professional work and it gives me the sentiment of trying to be mature in dealing with other people. I love it here, though, often very mentally tiring, but I am more exposed to how things are done in the procedures of getting a scholarship. I admit that I am jealous of these brilliant students, and that I regretted not studying well in school, but I still love English language and literature. I am on my 5 months holiday break. Unfortunately, Shell only needs me for 3 months. I am planning to enjoy the rest of my holiday at home or a trip. The planning will only be done AFTER i have finished all the work here.

Going on to some personal stuff that you may want to know. I am currently single. Mind you, I choose to be single because it's quite distracting to be dating at this age. I know some of you may not agree, but it's just my point of view. But, as a young adult, I do find one guy interesting. Though we never hang out, but I enjoy the company. Lets call him Mr Handsome. =) My life practically revolves around hanging out with friends in Malaysian terms "lepak". That's what I do during my free time. There is another side of me other than loitering around, I spend my Wednesday and Sunday nights volunteering for Soup Kitchen. It's an organization built for helping out the needy. Soup Kitchen is about handing out food to the homeless people around K.L.

I'm a very open-minded person, optimistic but sometimes negativity takes control of me. In my past, I did horrible and unexplainable things that I am not proud of. But, I think it's time for me to hold my head up high and scream

"I had it good".